Letting Go

Office party was held this morning but I was not in a mood for it. Last week on the Christmas’ Eve, I wasn’t in a mood to celebrate and today on New Year’s Eve, the feeling is the same.

This is the 2nd year that I feel this way. In the past, I would make it a point to participate and encourage my colleagues to join in, but somehow I don’t feel this way anymore. Gone were the days that I am enthusiastic and excited about every happening in my work place.

Why the change? I don’t really know. Perhaps I am now at a different stage in my life, perhaps I am disappointed by the changes in the recent years, perhaps the people whom I am closed to are no longer around, perhaps my passion has shifted somewhere else or perhaps I have learnt to let go …

2-3 years ago, I was faced with a tough decision. I was offered a good opportunity elsewhere and I was considering leaving my job, but I found it extremely difficult to let go. I was then very attached to my job, my colleagues, my company and many other things - I felt guilty about leaving my team behind, I felt bad about “betraying” my bosses who had taken good care of me and helped me to grow professionally all these years, I couldn’t bear to leave my colleagues and the many footprints I left in the company, etc. So in the end, I stayed.

Today, to a great extent, I have succeeded in detaching myself from the job and the company. I have learnt to let go of the many things that I used to hold tied to. I no longer put my job in the center of my life at the expense of everything else. I no longer feel uptight when things are not smooth sailing, I no longer feel hurt when someone pass negative remarks, I no longer see the need to prove myself or climb the corporate ladder.

It has been a long process, but slowly and gradually, I let go. The toughest part is letting go of the emotional ties that I have built over the years, especially with the people that I have strong bond with. As the day goes by, the ties get weaker and I get stronger in handling this “separation”.

Looking back, the biggest difference now is, I have managed to detach myself from my job. As a result, I am a “free” person - in many ways. I am happier, more at peace with myself, more certain of what lies ahead of me and more ready to move on…


I am not attached to my past.
It lies behind me, a distant shore.
I am not attached to the world.
I glide over its surface.
I release all holds to hold onto me.
Having myself, I am safe, I am free.

... by David Viscott from the book “Finding Your Strengths in Life”

Gloria Jean's Coffee Mug

This is the Christmas present that I picked for myself. I went Christmas shopping last weekend and saw this at the Gloria Jean’s coffee outlet, so I told my friend who was with me that I actually did not mind having this as Christmas present – that’s how I got this thermos coffee mug.

Needless to say, this is the best Christmas present I received this year, amongst those chocolates, books, toiletries, decorative items, calendar, CD/VCD, etc.

Why do I want this coffee mug as Christmas present? I was inspired by LP, one of my colleagues. Very often, I would bump into her, holding a mug filled with coffee bought from the office cafeteria.

Initially, I did not know what she was up to, so I asked her. “Hey, why are you with this cup every morning?”

“Buy coffee. I don’t want to waste the paper cups, so I bring my own mug.” She replied.

“Oh, I see.” I then recall that LP is an environment friendly person, and I salute her for thoughtfulness. She made me feel guilty, as I throw away at least 1-2 paper cups everyday. Therefore when I saw this coffee mug, immediately I recalled my conversation with LP and my commitment to do likewise. And so … I got my mug, a Gloria Jean’s thermos coffee mug.

I talked about The Starfish Story yesterday, and LP reminded me that if everyone of us put in that little extra effort in taking good care of the environment that we live in, collectively we can make a difference to this planet.

Be a starfish thrower. When we become throwers of the starfish, we have the power to change the world.

The Starfish Story

The Starfish Story

(adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley)

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”

The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”
“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”I made a difference for that one.”

I decided to carry on with the charity work that I have been involved in since 2003 – picking up bread from the designated confectionary outlets and send them to the old folks home. I made this decision after visiting the website of the charity organization a few days ago. At that time, I did not know why I made that decision, I just knew that I have to continue. Two days ago, I found the answer. It was the Starfish story.

For many years, together with a friend, we help to deliver bread to the old folks home. This is a routine on Friday evenings. Other than when we were overseas, we had never failed in fulfilling this commitment. I am indeed proud that I am able to stick to this routine, week in and week out. But, things change in the recent months. Somehow, I no longer find meaning in this routine anymore and the thought of quitting crossed my mind.

Since 2003 when I first started my voluntary work, I have never visited the website of this charity organization. A few evenings ago, while surfing the net, I just decided to take a look, and that few minutes of browsing prompted me to reconsider my decision to quit.

I first came across the starfish story 16 years ago. Since then it has guided me, in many things that I do and in many decisions that I make. The story is a constant reminder to me that we have the power within us to make a difference in this world, no matter how small or how insignificant it may seem to be. Just like in my job, because of the belief that I can make a difference in my organization, I had been able to keep my passion flying high, sustain my enthusiasm, go against all odds at times and deliver many difficult projects … unfortunately I have lost this belief in the recent 1-2 years.

Visiting the website of the charity organization gave me a different perspective of my involvement. I saw the big picture, the vision of the organization, what other volunteers are doing and how I fit in – I found the meaning of my “bread delivery routine”. I am the starfish thrower in the story, and there are many starfish throwers helping in this charity organization. Every starfish that we save make a difference, and all these small efforts eventually add up to make a big difference in this world.

Therefore I have decided not to quit but to continue … when we become throwers of the starfish, we have the power to change the world.

The Joy of Giving

“For it is in giving that we receive.” ~ St. Francis of Assisi

A SMS came in when I was driving. “Thank you for your support, guidance and understanding. Every year you gave me a book. I have been just receiving and not giving …”

This came from one of my staff, which was totally unexpected. When I stepped into the office, I found a few Christmas presents on my desk. At the bottom was a Chinese book, not wrapped but with a gift tag inside. I was a bit surprised but did not think much about it until the SMS came in. Yes, this must have been the 7th year that I give her a Christmas present, and this is the 1st time that she gives me a Christmas present.

Frankly speaking, every year when I gave my staff Christmas presents, I did not expect anything from them. To me, giving presents is just my way of showing appreciation to them, so it doesn’t really bother me when I do not receive anything in return. Therefore I was surprised when I receive the SMS from my staff.

I can’t remember when I started this tradition, but I know I have been faithfully doing this for many years. I remember there was one year that I decided to break this tradition as i was busy and could not find the time to shop, but the “guilt” soon overcame me as Christmas got closer. In the end, I rushed down to the shopping mall from work on the very last day and bought all the presents.

To be able to give is a joy. I feel good about giving. I am glad that I am able and in a position to give. I am happy that I can bring a little joy and smile to those whom I give. I will continue to give as long as I can …

"Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.”
~ Elizabeth Asquith Bibesco

Christmas Celebrations

“Hey, Elsie, we have 2 birthday girls this week. Should we celebrate for them today?” My colleague asked me when I gave her the Christmas present this morning.

“Oh yes, I also forgot. How about we go out to get a cake, also get some tidbits and drinks, celebrating Christmas at the same time?” I replied.

Last evening when I was wrapping the presents, I realized I have not made plan for an office year-end celebrations, unlike the previous years when I would normally initiate either a lunch out or office party. This morning while driving to work, I was in half-a-mind to stop by the supermarket, but in the end, I decided against it. If not because of my colleague’s reminder, I would have just let this Christmas’ eve passed like any other normal working day.

This time last year, I thought it would be the last time I buy presents for my office colleagues as I had planned to leave my corporate life behind and embark on a different path, but in the end I am still around today. This year, while I still made it a point to buy presents for my colleagues, especially my staff, to thank them for their contribution and support, somehow I am not in the mood for any office celebrations. Perhaps this is an indication that I have finally succeeded in detaching myself from this workplace, my job and this organization.

In a few days’ time, 31st Dec will arrive. I am sure I will get into the mood of reflection, looking back in 2007 and looking forward to 2008.

All the Way from Tasmania, Australia

“Honey from the Lavender Farm, Chocolates from the Cadbury Factory, all the way from Tasmania. Well, the nougats are from the Airport."

I walked into the office today, and saw this note on my desk. Huh, I must have missed it yesterday. I came back to my desk after meeting yesterday, and I saw a bottle of honey, chocolates and nougats, and I wondered who placed them here. Anyway, I was hungry (or greedy) and ate 2 of the nougats.

Today, the mystery is solved. The things were from one of my colleagues who had just come back from a holiday in Australia.

From time to time, I would find food, tidbits, souvenirs or gifts on my desk. I knew they were from colleagues around me, but sometimes I really had no clues who gave it to me as the person did not leave behind his/her name, and when I asked around, nobody knew.

Without fail, these little things that I receive always bring me smile, warm my heart and sweeten my day. I am grateful that there are colleagues and friends who will remember me even when they are far away.

These little things mean a lot to me, and I am sure they mean a lot to many of you too. Therefore, it is important that we make that extra bit of effort to focus on them, so as to bring joy and happiness to people around us.

It is my commitment that in the year to come, I would pay more attention in this area, and the immediate thing that I need to do is to get all my Christmas presents ready for next week.

A Book for Christmas

If you are thinking of buying books as Christmas presents, here’s my pick. I had bought these books for Christmas presents in the past, and would definitely buy them again this year!

I read these books at different times over the years. Some I have read once, some I have read multiple times, and for some, I read once and whenever I need some motivation or inspiration, I would read them again.

1) The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny by Robin Sharma

2) How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

3) Dare to Dream . . . Then Do It: What Successful People Know and Do by John Maxwell

4) The Journey from Success to Significance (Maxwell, John C.) by John Maxwell

5) The Success Principles(TM): How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield and Janet Switzer

6) The Alchemist - Gift Edition by Paulo Coelho

7) The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

8) Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth by T. Harv Eker

9) The Secrets to a Soulful Life: How to Create Peace And Happiness in Your Life Every Day by Patricia Wayant

10) Is It Time to Make a Change?: Positive Thoughts for When Life Presents You with a New Direction (Self-Help & Recovery) by Deanna Beisser

11) Think Positive Thoughts Every Day: Poems to Inspire a Brighter Outlook on Life (Selp-Help) by Patricia Wayant

12) Our Iceberg Is Melting: Changing and Succeeding Under Any Conditions by John Kotter, Holger Rathgeber, Peter Mueller, and Spenser Johnson

It is your choice

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."

I bumped into Nigel during lunch time. He is one of the trainers for the course that I attended end of last year. He was casually dressed and he told me he was there as his sister stays nearby. We chatted for a short while, and he asked if I were going back to the office.

I replied, “Yes, I have to as I am still an employee.” He looked at me, “It’s your choice.” I did not protest, smiled but still tried to justify. “Well, I will definitely get out next year.” And we parted.

Last year, when I attended the course, I told everybody in the class that my next step is to quit my job and be a freelance professional trainer, and I gave myself a timeframe of one year. Now that one year is up, I am still with my job, so everytime when I met my trainers or classmates, they would remind me of my plan. Whenever I bumped into friends or ex-colleagues who had left their jobs and became trainers, I would envy them and admire their guts in making the change.

Choice, it is my choice. I am fully aware of this. For me to fulfill my dream to be a professional trainer, I will have to take charge, make a choice that will bring me there. If I choose to stay put and do nothing, I should not expect a different outcome.

So it is my commitment that I will choose differently, little by little everyday, so that I could progress along my chosen path and have a new experience.

Choose differently today.

Wonderful memories from my Japan trip

“Hey, how was your holiday?” A colleague asked me about my trip this morning.

“Ok, so-so, not that fantastic.” After I replied, I then realised that I have been giving the same reply to this question posed to me in the last few days.

“Is this a fair assessment of the trip?” I asked. Definitely not. The truth is, while I did not quite like some parts of my trip, I had also enjoyed some parts of the trip and there were many “little things” that warmth my heart. Here’s a few that I would like to keep in my memory:

1) Watching sunrise from my hotel room (“A beautiful morning”)

2) The nice people that I came across – the tour guide, tour leader, the new friends I made, the sales people in the department store, the waiters and waitresses in the restaurants, the strangers on the road, etc. Despite the language barriers, all the people in Japan are patient, helpful, friendly and courteous. Ha, I had also learnt to bow a lot in the 6 days there :-)

3) 2 year ago, I ate my first Japanese ramen in Hokkaido, and since then ramen has become one of my favorite food. Unfortunately I have not been able to find ramen of similar quality in Singapore. So since day 1, I had been asking where could I find a ramen restaurant, and finally on the last day I found it.

4) Really love the supermarkets in Japan, especially the snacks section where we could sample different types of local snacks. Do you believe it, all in all I brought home half-a-luggage full of Japanese snacks!

5) A teenage boy in our tour group who is autistic. He and his family gave me the opportunity to understand autism better. In addition, he made me realized the importance of being truthful to oneself and others.

6) Two tour mates offered me their member cards at the Hard Rock café and the airport duty free shop respectively, so that I could enjoy the member privilege discounts. In fact, one of them saw me in the shop from a distant away and walked all the way to ask if I were buying something from the shop, and if yes, she could help me to pay first.

7) There was a family of 5 with 3 young children. The little boy, aged 7, liked to run loose when his parents took care of their other 2 kids. Without fail, there would always be someone in the group who looked out for him and made sure that he did not get lost or run into trouble. The true spirit of teamwork!

8) Last but not least, just doing nothing but strolling down the small lanes in Japan leisurely, seeing, feeling and experiencing the local culture. No rush and no stress!

A Beautiful Morning

I took this sunrise photo in Japan last week. The hotel that we stayed in was located on a mountain. From our room, we could have a marvelous view of the city, the shoreline and the mountain.

I woke up early in the morning, wanted to catch the sunrise but was disappointed. The sky was cloudy and the sun was hiding behind the thick cloud.

Just when I was about to leave the room to proceed to take my breakfast, a tiny ray of sunlight caught my attention. I retracted and went out to the big field outside my room, with my camera of course. For the next 15 minutes, I took close to 50 photos of the sunrise. I felt a great sense of achievement and satisfaction, as that was the first time that I managed to take photos of sunrise!

I felt really good. I enjoyed the fresh air, the nice scenery and the beautiful sunrise of an early morning. I was alert, relaxed and energized, as a result of this early awakening.

Nice gesture from a gentleman

I did not expect the place to be so packed and the car park was full. After circling around for 2 times, I decided to stay put at one spot and wait for an empty lot.

I was lucky, when I drove into one of the lanes, there wasn’t any cars waiting, which means I had the top priority as soon as any car moves out of the parking lot. After 5 minutes, there was still no sign of any cars leaving. However, a white Honda CR-V had joined me in the queue waiting. A few more minutes had passed and there was still no movement. I was getting impatient.

I looked into my rear view window, and was surprised to find that the Honda CR-V was reversing into an empty lot.

“How could we have missed it?” Both my friend and I could not believe that we actually did not see a car leaving the parking lot.

“Well, since we did not see it, we just have to wait for the next empty lot. We can’t possibly ask the driver to let us have the lot, right?” We blamed ourselves for not paying attention, and continued with our conversation.

“Knock Knock.” Suddenly a man appeared next to our car and knocked at the window. I couldn’t figure out what he was saying, so I wind down the window.

“Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking lot?” The man pointed to the Honda CR-V, and asked politely with a smile. It was then that I realized he was the driver of the Honda. “Yes”, I replied.

“Oh okie, I will drive my car out and let you have the lot.” I could not believe what I heard, so I asked, “Are you sure you don’t want the lot?”

“Sure. The parking lot was yours to begin with. In fact, I sounded my car horn at you to tell you there is an empty lot, but you probably did not hear it. I’ll go and move my car out now.”

“You sure you don’t want the lot?” At that point, I was just too stunned and all that I could respond was to seek confirmation that he did not want the parking lot.

“Sure.” I thanked him, and he went back to his car and vacated the parking lot for me.

“It is unbelievable that there are actually such nice people in this world.” My friend and I echoed each other’s feeling.

I felt really good and had a nice evening. Thank you, Mr Gentleman, your nice gesture made my day!

Take a break

I was at Japan Fukuoka airport, checked in but still have time to spare, so killing time by doing last minute shopping at the airport shops. I wanted to buy something for myself, but after 3 shops, I still could not find anything I like.

“Can you believe it? I bought nothing for myself this trip.” I complained to my friend. I packed my luggage last night and realized all the things I bought are for others, and none for me.

“Well, the fact that you came for this trip is already a reward for yourself.” That was the reply I got.

How true. I may not have bought anything for myself, which is unusual, but I did give myself a week off and took a holiday in Japan – giving my body and mind a well deserved rest.

In the last few days, 6 days to be exact, I caught up with my sleep, finished reading a book, took many photographs and tested my new camera. In addition, I experienced a different culture, made a few new friends, tried new food, got in touch with the nature, watched sunrise, etc. All these are what I have always wanted to do but find it challenging to get out of my routine in normal days to do them.

So this holiday allowed me to break away from my daily routine, gave me the opportunity to do those things that I have always wanted to do, see the world and experience a different lifestyle.

I wish I could do this more in the future :-)